Where Has Decent Sanity Gone?
by Rimba
Summary: Everything is weird. Bluestar loves Barney, Spottedleaf sings badly, Lionheart's claustrophobic, Willowpelt lives in a tree, Runningwind can't "hold it," Brindleface loves OJ, & more! Read to find out what happens in this wacko world of Warriors; ON HOLD!
1. Wacko Allegiances

**Okay, the only reason I made this is because I'm bored and my other parody…um…died. –Shifty eyes Shifty eyes- Allegiances!**

**Bluestar – likes Barney**

**Redtail – gender-confused and vain…**

**Spottedleaf – thinks she can sing, but she can't…**

**Lionheart – claustrophobic**

**Tigerclaw – Frightened of everything and often mutters, "It's okay…it's okay…I'm fine…OH GREAT STARCLAN I'M GONNA DIE!"**

**Whitestorm – freaked out by squirrels**

**Darkstripe – finds Spottedleaf's singing comforting**

**Longtail – enjoys baking gross stuff, like marigold casserole…EW! But when they reject his food, he starts to cry…**

**Runningwind – has serious bladder problems**

**Willowpelt – lives in a tree**

**Mousefur – Finds Tigerclaw HAWT, weirdly…**

**Dustpelt – rapping dancer**

**Graystripe – loves soda and is frequently hyper**

**Ravenpaw – has frequent panic attacks**

**Sandstorm – likes screaming, "OMG PERVERT!" and slapping Fireheart**

**Fireheart – flirts with Sandstorm and is slapped**

**Frostfur – TV addict**

**Brindleface – likes orange juice**

**Goldenflower – crouches in a fetal position and squeaks like a hunted mouse**

**Speckletail – a frequent cackler**

**All the elders – love having burping contests**


	2. Insanity: A Typical Day

"FROSTFUR I TOLD YOU IT'S BARNEY HOUR!"

"BUT I _NEED _TO WATCH TELEVISION!"

"NO!"

Fireheart woke up, yawning; it was a typical morning in ThunderClan. He saw Sandstorm and purred. He walked over to her and said, "Hey baby…is your fur on fire, or is that just me?"

"OMG PERVERT!" she screamed, slapping him.

Ouch. Definitely a typical morning. He glanced at Graystripe, who was slurping down a Sprite at hyper speed. "WEEEEEE!" he yelled, bouncing around on a pogo stick and basically crushing Tigerclaw's paw.

"AAAAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHHH!" he screeched. "I HAIL YOU MIGHTY POGO! DON'T HURT ME! PLEAAAASEEE! DUSTPELT HELP!"

Dustpelt stopped rapping and growled, "Go away you freaking idiot!" He started spinning on his head and kicked Tigerclaw in the face.

"OWWWIEEE!" he howled, running and stepping on Ravenpaw. The black cat woke up and started twitching horribly. Then he gave a horrible scream and ran head-on into the tree Willowpelt lived in.

"GAAAH!" the gray cat shrieked, jumping onto Ravenpaw. They tumbled around camp, knocking over Brindleface's orange juice pitcher. She watched the OJ spill across the ground, then started to cry.

"Nooooooooooooooooo!" she wailed. Then Spottedleaf came out, in a glittery long-sleeve silver shirt and glittery pink mini skirt, with silver-and-pink boots and a microphone.

"Our song is a slamming screen door, sneaking out late, tapping on your window! When we're on the phone and you talk real slow, 'cause it's late and your mama don't know! Our song is the way you laugh, the first date man I didn't kiss her when I should have…And when I got home, before I said A-men, asking God if he…could play it again yeah…could play it AGAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAIN!" Everyone winced. They all knew she was a terrible singer, but it was hard to get used to.

Whitestorm walked out of the den, stretching happily, until suddenly his eyes fell on a squirrel. He stared in silence for a minute, but then screamed like a girl and yelled, "SQUIRREL! OMG SQUIRREL! THEY'RE GONNA EEAAATTT MEEEEEEEEEEE!" Darkstripe followed him, then grabbed Whitestorm and started dancing.

"Ah, isn't Spottedleaf's singing so relaxing?" he meowed.

Longtail exploded out of the medicine cat's den, followed by smoke. "Hey everybody, the mouse 'n' feverfew toast is done! And I want everyone to get a helping!" Everyone sighed, but took some toast because if they didn't he'd start bawling.

Spottedleaf made a face. "EW, sorry. I don't eat fatty foods…unless…is that low in cholesterol, carbs, fat, and sugar?"

He shook his head no.

"No thanks." She began singing again, and Longtail dropped his food and ran away, crying. Runningwind woke up and came out. He was the only one who liked the crying cat's food, so he grabbed some mouse 'n' feverfew toast and ate it all. Then he got a funny look.

"Excuse me, I seriously need to pee." Then he ran away. Mousefur woke up and set her eyes on Tigerclaw. She batted her eyelashes.

"Hi, Tigger," she said, cuddling. "You so HAWT." **(I might have forgotten to mention she has bad grammar skills.) **"They doesn't know what's their missin'. You so HAWT." Tigerclaw, or "Tigger", looked up.

"Mousefur scary…Mousefur scary…Mousefur scary…" he chanted, and sucked his thumb. Lionheart awoke and went in to see what was on TV. Barney, obviously, and two cats locked in a tussle.

"Hey Bluestar." She came out and said, "_I love you, you love me, we're a happy family…_" and hugged him. He, of course, panicked.

"Can't breathe…no air…walls closing in…gonna die…AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHHHH!" He broke away and ran out, screaming.

Redtail stomped out, brushing his fur. "Oh, my gosh," he said in a snooty voice. "Can't a girl get some beauty sleep once in a while? You guys, are like, so, like, loud!"

"Um…" Brindleface said, after switching the channel from Barney to the weather (which she loved). "Redtail, sorry to burst your bubble, but…you're a tom."

"Then explain THIS!" He showed them his awesomely beautiful "I'M A PRINCESS" T-shirt, one like a happy mom would give her daughter. He put it on.

"_Let's just back away slowly," _Bluestar muttered. They backed away slowly while Redtail put on a frilly skirt and went out to sing with Spottedleaf.

Goldenflower padded, crouched down, over to the leader's den, where they were still fighting over the TV. She sat in the fetal position and squeaked like a mouse. They stared at her for a second, then went back to tussling.

Speckletail opened her cell phone. "Really!...Cool!...HEEEHEHEHEHEHEHHEEEE! Bye!" She hung up and grabbed some scissors.

Goldenflower turned around. NOW she had a reason to squeak. "Eep…" she squeaked.

AAAAAAAAAAAAAA

Meanwhile, in the elder's den, they were gulping down sodas. Then Halftail gave a long burp. Smallear tried, but only gave a weak "BRAP." Patchpelt couldn't manage even a hiccup. One-Eye burped three times. Dappletail took a deep breath, and burped so loud and long that the TV broke.

Graystripe walked in, furious. "HAVE YOU GUYS BEEN DRINKIN' MY SODA?!" The elders looked guilty.

"No-BRAAAAAP-never heard of such a thing!" Halftail snapped. Graystripe yelled, "GRR!", seeing the cans behind them, and chunked a full Coke at them. It whacked Smallear in the head and knocked him out. The deranged soda-loving gray cat grabbed a bow and shot Cokes at the elders. One by one they fell except for Dappletail. She jumped up with a Dr. Pepper bow and arrow, striking a Martial Arts pose.

They started shooting soda at each other. Finally Graystripe, bruised and gasping, grabbed all the dented cans and ran away, leaving Dappletail tired and burping.

"Lollipop, lollipop, oh lolly lollipop…" sang Redstripe and Spottedleaf…


End file.
